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Recovery and tid bits of nose juice
Mar. 26th, 2009 | 07:14 pm
mood: 
drained
music: "Go to Church" Ice Cube and Snoop Dog
So I made it through. It's been almost two weeks... almost. Not really fun. I'm on so many freakin meds I don't know whether I feel bad because I feel bad or because I have a list of about 10 unnatural things I pump into my body daily. Either way, I have been doing a lot better. Pain... pain is something that will be on going for at least another two weeks. Not fun but hey at least I can now shower without fear of passing out! I don't like feeling like I can't do everyday tasks. I'm supposed to take steroids for the next two weeks but I don't think I will... I will for a little while and cut down faster than they told me. Instead of 7 more days on one I'll do 6 and 5 days of half. My body is very familiar with steroids so cutting down a little faster won't hurt. Steroids make you retain water and eat like an obese canadian lumberjack. I don't want to get fat on op of all of this...
I am running out of pain pills... this scares me.
Well, I went to the doctor yesterday and he said I can return to work on Monday. Yay!? I am happy that I have something to wake up for besides having to take my meds. But... it's Borders, so I'm torn. I get to go back to doing something everyday besides saline rinses. I guess it won't be so bad. I hope we aren't still having to sell those three ridiculous books... It's what ever.
It was pretty cool when I went. Dr. Takashima sat me down in this giant green chair and brought over a screen. I was thinking maybe he made a commemorative video of my surgery and he finally finished editing, hence my visit. No... not so much. What he actually did was spray numbing medicine in my nose and then commenced with putting a camera and a sucking device up my nose. IT WAS AWESOME!!! I saw everything and well... HE said it looked good. It just looked like a bunch of holes with some yellowish goo and blood clots everywhere. Apparently I took very good care of my nose. Yay for the rinses!! Actually they suck. I had to do them 6-8 times a day and it feels like someone shooting acid up your nose and then it comes out through your other nostril and your mouth. The good thing is that he said now I only have to do it 3-4 times a day. Woo Hoo!! Down by half. It's supposed to hurt less too as I heal and... Supposedly... eventually... it's supposed to feel good. Fat chance. I really can't imagine it feeling good. And god the dripping! I hate it! I'll be sitting down doing whatever and then BAM! My nose is a spontaneous super soaker.
What ever happen to those? They got really big and elaborate and then nothing... odd.
Any who, I have to see Dr. Takashima again in two weeks, Dr. Katz within the same time span and Dr. Oguwa in about 3-4 weeks.
Note:
Dr. Takashima= my otolaryngologist (ENT)
Dr. Katz= my pulmonologist
Dr.Oguwa= my soon to be allergist
I will be getting an allergy test when I see Dr. Oguwa... something I have never done before. I don't think it's a fun thing. I know it's not. Dr. Takashima wants me to heal more before I have to do the allergy test.
Now... for the greatest thing of all.... I CAN BREATH OUT OF MY NOSE!!!!!!!!
It is amazing! I haven't been able to do this in about a year. For I don't know how long my sinus cavities were filling with massive amounts of polyps (Dr. Takashima said he was "very impressed" with the amount of polyps that he took out of me and that it was "A WHOLE LOT") This cut off all breathing out of my nose. Before the surgery I couldn't breathe in or out of my nose. In fact it was so bad that about a month before the surgery, when I first saw Dr. Takashima the polyps were just hanging out of my nose. Well, they weren't visible unless you looked up there but still... that's not supposed to be. I'm really excited because my pulmonary problems should get better and if all goes well with the allergy testing I won't develop anymore polyps! I don't want to have to do this again and if I don't find out what is causing the development of the polyps then yeah... another sinus surgery will be in the cards. I just want to be able to run and laugh hysterically and do all the things that I couldn't do before. My fatigue is supposed to get better too! The polyps cause people to get unimaginable fatigue which I can completely vouch for! I did learn one new thing. I am VERY anemic. I have to take iron pills or that whole fatigue thing is going to persist along with other problems.
I'm so excited!!! I also can't wait until I can smell! All I smell right now is the same semi honey nut chex/saltine crackers mixture which is getting pretty old. I'm thinking it has something to do with the rinses. Makes sense.
The stitches in my nose are bothering me... I SO want to cut them out but I won't. They will desolve. Must take forever because so much fluid runs through my nose I would think they would've been long gone.
All in all, I'm pretty darn happy that I had this surgery though it's been kinda tough.
I LOVE BREATHING!!!!!! YAY!!!! :-D
Thank you to everyone who wished me well before, after and during my surgery!!! You guys are really amazing!
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long time
Feb. 27th, 2009 | 06:43 pm
mood: bored
So I haven't really written in a while and I'm bored as fuck so it has resulted in me writing on here. Not much to say really. Work is work. Not fun but unless your job description states that "fun" is part of the job I think we are all shit out of luck. That's ok though. I know work isn't supposed to be incredibly pleasant or anything. Plus I don't let my work get to me. I don't allow it to get in the way of my personal happiness so that at the end of the day it's only just a job.
As for my life... it's good. I've got a great new apartment that NEEDS to be cleaned but once I muster up the energy to actually do so it will be much better. Can't complain about much. In fact things are really great! I am just waiting on my surgery to get rid of these polyps! I am SO uncomfortable all of the time and I'm pretty sure that my inability to breath will get much better after the surgery. I just don't want them to come back... which apparently is a great possibility according to my ENT. Not cool. But at least on this go round I will be able to breath and I will be able to eat without running out of breath and I will be able to not feel so damn exhausted all of the time. Yeah life's gonna be pretty sweet! I'm excited. I have big plan after my surgery! BIG! Man I can't wait!
I also can't wait for the DSi!!! I reserved one the other day with Danielle. I think we both are a little excited... understatement.
Hope everyone is doing great!!
As for my life... it's good. I've got a great new apartment that NEEDS to be cleaned but once I muster up the energy to actually do so it will be much better. Can't complain about much. In fact things are really great! I am just waiting on my surgery to get rid of these polyps! I am SO uncomfortable all of the time and I'm pretty sure that my inability to breath will get much better after the surgery. I just don't want them to come back... which apparently is a great possibility according to my ENT. Not cool. But at least on this go round I will be able to breath and I will be able to eat without running out of breath and I will be able to not feel so damn exhausted all of the time. Yeah life's gonna be pretty sweet! I'm excited. I have big plan after my surgery! BIG! Man I can't wait!
I also can't wait for the DSi!!! I reserved one the other day with Danielle. I think we both are a little excited... understatement.
Hope everyone is doing great!!
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SAGE!!!!!!!!!!
Nov. 22nd, 2008 | 06:31 pm
sage call me!!!!!!!!!!.... or dani.......
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(no subject)
Nov. 7th, 2008 | 11:39 am
mood: indescribable
So times I worry about things I really have no control over... but then again who doesn't? I don't feel like I help things at all and what kills me is that I want to help more than anything. Maybe that's why I'm not helping things? GOD! I'm so fucking worried and I can't do shit. I want to help.
You know I tried really fuckin hard to make it work and it didn't. I hate that. I've never had to do anything like this and it sucks. It sucks because I'm the only one who even has to try as hard as I do and nobody gives a shit. That's ok because one false move and I'm just going to give up..... that would make things interesting. Actually, that would just make things more painful for me. I'm really just fucked either way.
Either way I get hurt, either way I still don't help matters, either way I get to sit back and watch while someone else takes over. Even if it's some asshole who doesn't know what he/she is doing. I'm watching someone drown. Watching and running as fast as humanly possible to get to them but the road just keeps getting longer. Then I have to watch someone else pull that person out of the water. Someone who just happened to walk by. I've been running so long screaming that I would be there any moment and I'm still as far away as when I started. I stop running and look up and there's the asshole holding that drowning body. That asshole saved that person. They look at each other and have this connection.... "Wow, I'm glad I just happened to stumble along and save you" look radiates from the asshole's face. The once drowning person looks at the asshole as this wonderful being that will always be there. I tried. I tried and got nowhere. I tried and in the end all that happened is I proved that I am not able to be that person.
All I can do is sit and watch that asshole be where I want to be. I just have to sit and watch. It breaks my heart but you know what.... at least that person isn't drowning anymore.
I have hope that one day I'll be able to do something besides just sit there. I have hope, it may not get me anywhere ever but at least I know that person is ok. I'll be able to help one day. Hopefully.
No more of that........
I'm finished.
I think ladytron is going to take over the world. Really. I mean I was listening to them on Dani's ipod during the overnight and it hit me. Why the hell are people so into them? Don't get me wrong I LIKE ladytron! I do ..... but why? They don't exactly have the most melodic voices in the world. They do have good music but not anything out of this world amazing. Don't get me started on how horribly repetitive the lyrics are and how they don't mean much at all. What the hell is the appeal? Well, I think they put subliminal messages in the songs and it draws us in. It keeps us listening. AND worst of all keeps us SPENDING!! That's right folks.... the worst has happened! Ladytron and credit cards have joined forces to keep tabs on us and take over the world!! Seriously, all you Ladytronites out there have to get away while you still can! You see, Ladytron sucks people in with their music making people want to purchase a CD of theirs then BAM! Out pops mr. credit card! CDs are overpriced these days any why buywhen you can just download for free right? Well, people use these credit cards to buy the CDs and then beep* beep* once it's scanned they have you. They know all about you. This is why they make you fill out so much info for that damn card in the first place. So they can watch you! YOUUUUU!!!! And you can argue and say you have never bought a CD or merchandise of theirs BUT have you ever gone to a concert .... HUH? HAVE YOU???? They track you down, keep tabs on everything you're doing and when you're not expecting it you find yourself whispering softly... "there's a ghost in me... that wants to say I'm sorry... doesn't mean I'm sorry" Yeah .... it's all crashing down now. You've become a LADYTRONITE!!!! Well, if you have then it's too late... it's too late for all of you! It may even be too late for me.... despite the fact I know all of this I still listen to them. I won't give up though!
theres a ghost in me.... that wants to say I'm sorry.... does'nt mean I'm sorry...
You know I tried really fuckin hard to make it work and it didn't. I hate that. I've never had to do anything like this and it sucks. It sucks because I'm the only one who even has to try as hard as I do and nobody gives a shit. That's ok because one false move and I'm just going to give up..... that would make things interesting. Actually, that would just make things more painful for me. I'm really just fucked either way.
Either way I get hurt, either way I still don't help matters, either way I get to sit back and watch while someone else takes over. Even if it's some asshole who doesn't know what he/she is doing. I'm watching someone drown. Watching and running as fast as humanly possible to get to them but the road just keeps getting longer. Then I have to watch someone else pull that person out of the water. Someone who just happened to walk by. I've been running so long screaming that I would be there any moment and I'm still as far away as when I started. I stop running and look up and there's the asshole holding that drowning body. That asshole saved that person. They look at each other and have this connection.... "Wow, I'm glad I just happened to stumble along and save you" look radiates from the asshole's face. The once drowning person looks at the asshole as this wonderful being that will always be there. I tried. I tried and got nowhere. I tried and in the end all that happened is I proved that I am not able to be that person.
All I can do is sit and watch that asshole be where I want to be. I just have to sit and watch. It breaks my heart but you know what.... at least that person isn't drowning anymore.
I have hope that one day I'll be able to do something besides just sit there. I have hope, it may not get me anywhere ever but at least I know that person is ok. I'll be able to help one day. Hopefully.
No more of that........
I'm finished.
I think ladytron is going to take over the world. Really. I mean I was listening to them on Dani's ipod during the overnight and it hit me. Why the hell are people so into them? Don't get me wrong I LIKE ladytron! I do ..... but why? They don't exactly have the most melodic voices in the world. They do have good music but not anything out of this world amazing. Don't get me started on how horribly repetitive the lyrics are and how they don't mean much at all. What the hell is the appeal? Well, I think they put subliminal messages in the songs and it draws us in. It keeps us listening. AND worst of all keeps us SPENDING!! That's right folks.... the worst has happened! Ladytron and credit cards have joined forces to keep tabs on us and take over the world!! Seriously, all you Ladytronites out there have to get away while you still can! You see, Ladytron sucks people in with their music making people want to purchase a CD of theirs then BAM! Out pops mr. credit card! CDs are overpriced these days any why buywhen you can just download for free right? Well, people use these credit cards to buy the CDs and then beep* beep* once it's scanned they have you. They know all about you. This is why they make you fill out so much info for that damn card in the first place. So they can watch you! YOUUUUU!!!! And you can argue and say you have never bought a CD or merchandise of theirs BUT have you ever gone to a concert .... HUH? HAVE YOU???? They track you down, keep tabs on everything you're doing and when you're not expecting it you find yourself whispering softly... "there's a ghost in me... that wants to say I'm sorry... doesn't mean I'm sorry" Yeah .... it's all crashing down now. You've become a LADYTRONITE!!!! Well, if you have then it's too late... it's too late for all of you! It may even be too late for me.... despite the fact I know all of this I still listen to them. I won't give up though!
theres a ghost in me.... that wants to say I'm sorry.... does'nt mean I'm sorry...
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ZORDONS AWAY!!!!
Oct. 17th, 2008 | 12:41 pm
mood: 
good
I just farted. I'm not ashamed.
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Slumber Land
Oct. 13th, 2008 | 03:35 pm
So I keep having these crazy ass dreams.... don't really know why. For instance, about 5 days ago I had a dream that my mom was extremely ill and had to get her legs chopped off. Then Just last night I had this dream......
I was in my apartment at night with Danni and Jerry and for some reason I decided to go swimming. I think it was because the water looked VERY appealing. It was very clean and was pretty much calling out to me. Only it looked different. It was a big and square with stone siding. There was actually a pool light and absolutely spotless. There were a lot of people swimming once I got down there but I didn't care because this pool looked way too refreshing to pass up. I jumped in and swam around for a while. Then about a min or so after I jumped in this white teenage boy swam right up to me. He looked kinda like a fucked up eminem and very sickly. I tried to swim away from him but he grabbed my arm then-
WB: I know you?!
Me: No I don't think so...
WB: Yes I do I remember you from high school.
Then he gave me this evil smile and rubbed my thigh. I promptly jumped out of the pool and said nothing to this fucked up individual which I had never seen before in my life. It was then that I realized that i had never seen anyone that was in the pool ever before....
I walked up to my apartment (it over looks the pool by the way- just feel it's important to mention that)and go inside. Dani and Jerry are there sleeping. Danni is sleeping in a bed that is in front of the sliding glass door (which should be in the living room but yeah for some reason it's in my room)and Jerry is sleeping standing up on the left side of the bed. I needed to take a shower so I go in my closet to get clothes very quietly being careful not to wake them up. When I turn around I see white boy with a knife unlocking the slidding glass door to get in. He did so very quickly which meant I was unable to stop him. He and his two buddies stepped inside. One of the guys was asian and one of them was hispanic. The asian guy restrained Jerry while he was asleep holding him and covering his mouth so he wouldn't scream. The hispanic guy did the same only with Dani. I looked at all of them -
Me: (calmly but you could tell I was holding back my rage) What the hell do you want you sicko?
WB: You know what I want. I want it right now.
Me: No I don't just tell me what you want... just don't hurt them.
Then he told me something but i couldn't remember what...
I left the room and went into the living room and then immediately came back.
Me: Here... take it...now let them go...
Then he did this quintin terrentinoeesque dance shaping his hands like guns and pointing them at me while spinning slowly. By the time he got back around he had a real gun. He pointed at me... looked into my eyes... smiled that evil smile... and shot at me.
He missed but I faked it and fell to the ground. Danni, Jerry, and the other two guys freaked. WB just smiled again and kept shooting. He eventually did hit me right at the top corner of my head. He took the gun and his two friend and left.
Danni and Jerry were still freakin out but then I stood up and was completely fine. They were insistent that I see a doctor but my grandmother came over and started cleaning so I helped her instead. After a while I lost feeling in the left side of my face and my right hand turned into one of those old lady hands (you know with the arthritis and veiny and wrinkly ). I showed my grandma and she looked at it... then looked at me and very seriously said -
This is not good.
Then I woke up.
I was in my apartment at night with Danni and Jerry and for some reason I decided to go swimming. I think it was because the water looked VERY appealing. It was very clean and was pretty much calling out to me. Only it looked different. It was a big and square with stone siding. There was actually a pool light and absolutely spotless. There were a lot of people swimming once I got down there but I didn't care because this pool looked way too refreshing to pass up. I jumped in and swam around for a while. Then about a min or so after I jumped in this white teenage boy swam right up to me. He looked kinda like a fucked up eminem and very sickly. I tried to swim away from him but he grabbed my arm then-
WB: I know you?!
Me: No I don't think so...
WB: Yes I do I remember you from high school.
Then he gave me this evil smile and rubbed my thigh. I promptly jumped out of the pool and said nothing to this fucked up individual which I had never seen before in my life. It was then that I realized that i had never seen anyone that was in the pool ever before....
I walked up to my apartment (it over looks the pool by the way- just feel it's important to mention that)and go inside. Dani and Jerry are there sleeping. Danni is sleeping in a bed that is in front of the sliding glass door (which should be in the living room but yeah for some reason it's in my room)and Jerry is sleeping standing up on the left side of the bed. I needed to take a shower so I go in my closet to get clothes very quietly being careful not to wake them up. When I turn around I see white boy with a knife unlocking the slidding glass door to get in. He did so very quickly which meant I was unable to stop him. He and his two buddies stepped inside. One of the guys was asian and one of them was hispanic. The asian guy restrained Jerry while he was asleep holding him and covering his mouth so he wouldn't scream. The hispanic guy did the same only with Dani. I looked at all of them -
Me: (calmly but you could tell I was holding back my rage) What the hell do you want you sicko?
WB: You know what I want. I want it right now.
Me: No I don't just tell me what you want... just don't hurt them.
Then he told me something but i couldn't remember what...
I left the room and went into the living room and then immediately came back.
Me: Here... take it...now let them go...
Then he did this quintin terrentinoeesque dance shaping his hands like guns and pointing them at me while spinning slowly. By the time he got back around he had a real gun. He pointed at me... looked into my eyes... smiled that evil smile... and shot at me.
He missed but I faked it and fell to the ground. Danni, Jerry, and the other two guys freaked. WB just smiled again and kept shooting. He eventually did hit me right at the top corner of my head. He took the gun and his two friend and left.
Danni and Jerry were still freakin out but then I stood up and was completely fine. They were insistent that I see a doctor but my grandmother came over and started cleaning so I helped her instead. After a while I lost feeling in the left side of my face and my right hand turned into one of those old lady hands (you know with the arthritis and veiny and wrinkly ). I showed my grandma and she looked at it... then looked at me and very seriously said -
This is not good.
Then I woke up.
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ACL
Sep. 30th, 2008 | 06:13 pm
mood: 
sleepy
So I went to ACL this past weekend and it was INCREDIBLE!!! There were no bands that I was absolutely dying to see but that's ok... in fact that's what made it more fun. I didn't feel the need to be obscenely close to the stage or anything. Plus I got to hear some stuff that I've never heard before. It was wonderful... the food, the music, the people, even the terrible B.O./french fry smell that seemed to follow big crowds of people... I loved all of it.
The best thing about this weekend though was the fact that I got to get away from everything. For two seconds I didn't have to think about borders or my insanely hot apartment or anything back here in Houston. I got to be with old friends I haven't seen in forever and forget about everything else. It's nice to escape. A lot of people need to do that more. Stop worrying about shit for two seconds and do something to make yourself slightly sane again. I told a certain someone that they couldn't mention work because it seems that EVERYTHING revolves around work these days. It takes over their lives. People have stopped looking at a job as a job and started looking at their job as something that defines who they are.... YOU ARE NOT YOUR FUCKING JOB!!! I'm not trying to sound like one of those "self-help" books people go crazy for, it's just people seem to take little shit so seriously and let the littlest crap get to them. Just get away. Take a moment to stop and think.... why the fuck am I so worried? Most people don't have shit to worry about and yet they are stressed over petty things. I know people have internal conflicts but get up, face it, take the shit life has to offer (or doesn't have to offer) and deal with it. People can survive and people can move on. Stressing over something as small as a job or a test or whatever won't do shit but make yourself miserable. Don't add to your misery by focusing on the bad. A lot of times people don't know how good they have it. I like to look at it as a big white wall with a tiny black spot on it. People naturally shift their vision towards the black dot. They focus on it and wonder why it's there. Some try to get rid of it and are not successful in their fight against the mighty black dot BUT... stop.... for just a second... look around and there is SO much more white wall around you. Why are you focused on that one tiny dot? True some people have bigger dots than others but still, there is always more white wall around. Look away for a moment and realize that, that wall exists.... otherwise you might be missing out.
Wow... I kinda just went into it huh? Funny how that happens.
I feel wonderful.
The best thing about this weekend though was the fact that I got to get away from everything. For two seconds I didn't have to think about borders or my insanely hot apartment or anything back here in Houston. I got to be with old friends I haven't seen in forever and forget about everything else. It's nice to escape. A lot of people need to do that more. Stop worrying about shit for two seconds and do something to make yourself slightly sane again. I told a certain someone that they couldn't mention work because it seems that EVERYTHING revolves around work these days. It takes over their lives. People have stopped looking at a job as a job and started looking at their job as something that defines who they are.... YOU ARE NOT YOUR FUCKING JOB!!! I'm not trying to sound like one of those "self-help" books people go crazy for, it's just people seem to take little shit so seriously and let the littlest crap get to them. Just get away. Take a moment to stop and think.... why the fuck am I so worried? Most people don't have shit to worry about and yet they are stressed over petty things. I know people have internal conflicts but get up, face it, take the shit life has to offer (or doesn't have to offer) and deal with it. People can survive and people can move on. Stressing over something as small as a job or a test or whatever won't do shit but make yourself miserable. Don't add to your misery by focusing on the bad. A lot of times people don't know how good they have it. I like to look at it as a big white wall with a tiny black spot on it. People naturally shift their vision towards the black dot. They focus on it and wonder why it's there. Some try to get rid of it and are not successful in their fight against the mighty black dot BUT... stop.... for just a second... look around and there is SO much more white wall around you. Why are you focused on that one tiny dot? True some people have bigger dots than others but still, there is always more white wall around. Look away for a moment and realize that, that wall exists.... otherwise you might be missing out.
Wow... I kinda just went into it huh? Funny how that happens.
I feel wonderful.
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Noah
Sep. 5th, 2008 | 10:36 am
mood: indescribable
7lbs 4ozs Noah Walker Delgado is here.
What a name.... white-very white-hispanic.
He is beautiful.
I couldn't be happier. When I heard his crazy ass little infant cry I changed. I looked up and stared at my sister's delivery room door and at that instant there was nothing else. He's made me so happy just by existing.
What a name.... white-very white-hispanic.
He is beautiful.
I couldn't be happier. When I heard his crazy ass little infant cry I changed. I looked up and stared at my sister's delivery room door and at that instant there was nothing else. He's made me so happy just by existing.
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Baby times
Sep. 2nd, 2008 | 11:20 pm
mood: 
anxious
So my sister maybe having the baby VERY soon. She is on her way to the hospital as we speak... or read... or type... whatever. The point is I'm sitting here alone, freakin about my baby sister poppin out this kid, just waiting for a phone call so I know what I need to do. What do I do if she's having it in like an hour and twenty-eight minutes?? I work at 6 in the morning?
What the hell do I do??
I just read Veena's last entry about the black crawly things.... a tad concerned.
Gonna pace now.
What the hell do I do??
I just read Veena's last entry about the black crawly things.... a tad concerned.
Gonna pace now.
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We got the internet.... Hurray?....
Aug. 26th, 2008 | 09:14 pm
So we got the internet.... to stay now... something a little more reliable than a little wireless adapter that does work worth a shit. So now I can get on some and maybe post more. I don't want to become one of those mindless drones that gets glued to the internet for hours and hours at a time when I could be doing something productive or going out and about and see things.... not just a screen.
I feel ok. I'm ALWAYS tired. I've almost gotten used to being exhausted all of the time. I thought it's because I don't get enough sleep but I don't think that's it. I think I know what it is, but I'd rather not think about it cause well..... that's just kinda how I deal with shit. Probably not a good thing but if I think about it, it just gets me all emo and shit and then what does get me? Zilch.
I took a 4 hour nap. It felt pretty good.
I love the sword in the stone! That boy is incredibly thin.
I hate computers... spent all day on the phone trying to fix some. Work is interesting. I'm not going to lie, I'm really scared of fucking up. I can't fuck up.
My sister is about to pop out a baby. I am on serious baby watch until she gives birth. I'm excited and scared...
There is an ant in here that just keeps popping up everywhere... I flick him away and he comes crawling back. What is his deal?
I miss Veena.
I've been on here long enough. I feel dizzy.... that's not exactly weird.
God I feel like shit.
I feel ok. I'm ALWAYS tired. I've almost gotten used to being exhausted all of the time. I thought it's because I don't get enough sleep but I don't think that's it. I think I know what it is, but I'd rather not think about it cause well..... that's just kinda how I deal with shit. Probably not a good thing but if I think about it, it just gets me all emo and shit and then what does get me? Zilch.
I took a 4 hour nap. It felt pretty good.
I love the sword in the stone! That boy is incredibly thin.
I hate computers... spent all day on the phone trying to fix some. Work is interesting. I'm not going to lie, I'm really scared of fucking up. I can't fuck up.
My sister is about to pop out a baby. I am on serious baby watch until she gives birth. I'm excited and scared...
There is an ant in here that just keeps popping up everywhere... I flick him away and he comes crawling back. What is his deal?
I miss Veena.
I've been on here long enough. I feel dizzy.... that's not exactly weird.
God I feel like shit.
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Emo... sort of....
Aug. 13th, 2008 | 11:33 am
So I keep reading all this shit about mt new found friend c.o.p.d. and it's really getting me down. Don't get mewrong, I now things could be so much worse.... bu that's the thing... they WILL get much worse. I won't be able to do shit for myself. I don't want to be 30 and have to have someone ho can comb my hair for me because it's too much for me to do. I don't want that at all.
Last night I did the laundry. I was exhausted but I figured with the way things are goin I better do this stuff while I can. Let me tell you it was the most gratifying load of laundry I've ever done! I loved the way it smelled.
I don't know, a lot of times it's actually much worse than people think. I don't like to complain a lot, so I don't say shit.
To tell you the truth.... doing the laundry last night did take a lot out of me. It hurt a lot afterward. I don't like admitting this....
I'm not going to lie. I'm scared..... I don't know if maybe I'm overreacting or what, but I am.... I'm scared and it kills me to say it...
No.... have to stay positive..... i will be ok.
I will be ok.
:)
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diagnosis
Aug. 11th, 2008 | 08:36 pm
So I went to the doctor today....
found out what the hell is wrong with me.....
turns out I have C.O.P.D. .....
ain't that a bitch!
It's cool cause it could be much worse!
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Breathing.... or lack of
Jun. 8th, 2008 | 12:47 pm
So right now I'm at Methodist. Just got discharged. I feel a little better... a little weird ... maybe it's because they pumped me full of shit. I don't know. I got like a spec of sleep last night on account that I can't fucking breath. Nothing is working!! WHY???? I just don't get it??!! It is more than frustrating. I went to the beach with Jerry and Danielle yesterday and well, I'm usually able to swim SUPER far out but no. I got like two steps into the water and needed to rush back to my inhaler. I miss doing th things I use to do. I miss doing simple things. I never thought it would get this bad. I know people have things that are much more hindering and MUCH more fucked up but damn. It's like I'm caught in the middle. Going home now.
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How did I come across this, oh.. Seattles Best.
May. 10th, 2008 | 01:12 am
you are your own downfall
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1,2 Step
May. 8th, 2008 | 11:56 pm
location: shower w/ water proof laptop
mood: thirsty
music: Yo Mama in the shower
So I've been thinking.... I think that I really like chicken more than the average person. I really can't live without the shit.
I just bought ACL tickets. That makes might heart smile I get to ride the Grey Hound Bus to and from, which, if I'm lucky, will be as wonderful as it was last time. Crack heads and all.
Hot pockets should be the national food of america. They contain 7 vitamins and minerals AND no trans fats! There is something for everyone. They are the food symbol of love.
PLEASE when you eat cheese and crackers, do it correctly! You take the cheese and you fold it hot dog wise.... then hamburger wise.... put one slice on one cracker and enjoy! If you don't do it in this way I will eventually hunt you down and chop off both of your ears and spray paint your hair green. Don't say I didn't warn you.
I have a theory that I will soon become evil. Really. I've spent my life being all nice to all the bitches in the world and I think one day soon it's going to change. I'm happy with shit and I don't let little shit get to me. Just about everyone around me is not like that so I think I may be a tad bit on the abnormal side. I don't know. Not that becoming evil would make those things come about but I think if I became a psychotic bitch that it may make things go in that general direction. It seems that everyone is so unhappy but I'm not and, well, I'm starting to think that being happy with crap in my life means I may have something wrong with me? Does that make any sense at all?? I hope I'm making some sort of sense. If not then what ever, I don't give a fuck. I know what I'm trying to say.
Holy crap!!! You an change the color of the font in the middle of the entry?!?! That is the fudgin best!!
Back to blue. I'm exciting.
I'm so tired. What ever happened to Dunk-a-roos??
Viva la Dunk-a-roos!! I am the shit when it comes to DDR. By that I mean I am shit when it comes to DDR. The DDR guy just told me I'm in danger. I swear if I get one more open ended threat from an inadament object I will yell at the TV exceptionally loud and possibly throw something at the wall. Probably a banana peal.
I threw a banana peal at Mr. Rogers once. Why can't he stick to one flippin sweater? I feel really bad about it.
Damn...
So much for my turning into an evil bitch theory.
It's a beautiful day for a punk ass neighbor
I just bought ACL tickets. That makes might heart smile I get to ride the Grey Hound Bus to and from, which, if I'm lucky, will be as wonderful as it was last time. Crack heads and all.
Hot pockets should be the national food of america. They contain 7 vitamins and minerals AND no trans fats! There is something for everyone. They are the food symbol of love.
PLEASE when you eat cheese and crackers, do it correctly! You take the cheese and you fold it hot dog wise.... then hamburger wise.... put one slice on one cracker and enjoy! If you don't do it in this way I will eventually hunt you down and chop off both of your ears and spray paint your hair green. Don't say I didn't warn you.
I have a theory that I will soon become evil. Really. I've spent my life being all nice to all the bitches in the world and I think one day soon it's going to change. I'm happy with shit and I don't let little shit get to me. Just about everyone around me is not like that so I think I may be a tad bit on the abnormal side. I don't know. Not that becoming evil would make those things come about but I think if I became a psychotic bitch that it may make things go in that general direction. It seems that everyone is so unhappy but I'm not and, well, I'm starting to think that being happy with crap in my life means I may have something wrong with me? Does that make any sense at all?? I hope I'm making some sort of sense. If not then what ever, I don't give a fuck. I know what I'm trying to say.
Holy crap!!! You an change the color of the font in the middle of the entry?!?! That is the fudgin best!!
Back to blue. I'm exciting.
I'm so tired. What ever happened to Dunk-a-roos??
Viva la Dunk-a-roos!! I am the shit when it comes to DDR. By that I mean I am shit when it comes to DDR. The DDR guy just told me I'm in danger. I swear if I get one more open ended threat from an inadament object I will yell at the TV exceptionally loud and possibly throw something at the wall. Probably a banana peal.
I threw a banana peal at Mr. Rogers once. Why can't he stick to one flippin sweater? I feel really bad about it.
Damn...
So much for my turning into an evil bitch theory.
It's a beautiful day for a punk ass neighbor
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Er.. when Sasha needs to sleep.....
May. 1st, 2008 | 03:28 am
mood: exhausted
So I'm exhausted and I have decided to post while being in this state
Let's see what comes out.
I'm typing and not well I never learned how to type and well now it's coming back to bite me in the ass
I like pie All kinds I don't mean that in a sexual way.
SASHA IS GAY
SASHA CAN'T TYPE
Boobies.
Thank you Danni for your input to my post. It is a nice little addition and I'm sure I will be hearing about this from someone in the near future
What the hell is she listening to?? Micheal Jackson??
Dani: You like it bitch.
Me: Your face likes it!
Dani: Don't rape me! eee!
Me: Not rape if you want it! Ha! Wait..... don't touch me there!!
Dani: My hands are in my pockets. You're the big ol' LEZ
Me: If by your pockets you mean MY pockets then yes they are.,... and if by big ol' LEZ you mean coolest person in the universe who is not a LEZ then yes.... your statement is correct.
Dani: Yes, you are the coolest LEZ in the universe.
Me: So you're saying I can basically fly with the unicorns while baking a cake for the pope AND write a sonnet for YO MAMA!!! OOOOOHHHHH!!!!
Dani: Huh? Man, whatever, I'm gonna go dance. Bye.
Me: Well I'm gonna go paint with some Indian Elephants so there! You are the dancing queen.
Dani: Lay off of those little orange tablets.
Me: BUT I LOVE REESE'S PIECES!!!
Dani: Reeses don't have the numbers 44227 written on them.
Soooo..... I don't have a drug problem I'm just a fatty
I hate when my hair gets into my mouth I don't know where that shit's been!
Why do people always feel they can totally get all up in my personal space?? Really back the fuck off!
I hate when people in the cafe try saying the items on the menu board slower.... it will not make and difference if you said it at a normal speed, except for the fact that I might not kill you.
I was about to type Mike Grimes can suck it but I decided that I was better than that....
Magic gay magic gay I can be all you need
Yeah that didn't help my situation
I want sour apple blow pops. Why are all the good flavors always in short supply? I think the dali llama is hoarding them all. Is that spelled right? I would love to get a hold of the dali llama's stash!
I love Charles Manson Burger
I haven't gone to the house of pies in quite some time
I am a great typer person
Not really
What the hell.... the periods don't work, I will replace them with $
I miss my old friends$ The ones on the other side of town$ They are really awesome and it's been forever and a day sine we've done anything$
I want a robot monkey alarm clock$
Sorry if this is long but you're the one who decided to read it in the first place$
I want a boa$ They are half off right now$
I think I need new sheets I want nice ones too$ Like the shit that is so expensive you die a little when you buy them$
I wish I could shit out money$ Then I could get those sheets right about now$ No$$$ I didn't just take a shit$
This is your brain on sleep deprivation$$$ and this is your family$$$ and your friends$$$ and your hampster$$$
any questions?
Let's see what comes out.
I'm typing and not well I never learned how to type and well now it's coming back to bite me in the ass
I like pie All kinds I don't mean that in a sexual way.
SASHA IS GAY
SASHA CAN'T TYPE
Boobies.
Thank you Danni for your input to my post. It is a nice little addition and I'm sure I will be hearing about this from someone in the near future
What the hell is she listening to?? Micheal Jackson??
Dani: You like it bitch.
Me: Your face likes it!
Dani: Don't rape me! eee!
Me: Not rape if you want it! Ha! Wait..... don't touch me there!!
Dani: My hands are in my pockets. You're the big ol' LEZ
Me: If by your pockets you mean MY pockets then yes they are.,... and if by big ol' LEZ you mean coolest person in the universe who is not a LEZ then yes.... your statement is correct.
Dani: Yes, you are the coolest LEZ in the universe.
Me: So you're saying I can basically fly with the unicorns while baking a cake for the pope AND write a sonnet for YO MAMA!!! OOOOOHHHHH!!!!
Dani: Huh? Man, whatever, I'm gonna go dance. Bye.
Me: Well I'm gonna go paint with some Indian Elephants so there! You are the dancing queen.
Dani: Lay off of those little orange tablets.
Me: BUT I LOVE REESE'S PIECES!!!
Dani: Reeses don't have the numbers 44227 written on them.
Soooo..... I don't have a drug problem I'm just a fatty
I hate when my hair gets into my mouth I don't know where that shit's been!
Why do people always feel they can totally get all up in my personal space?? Really back the fuck off!
I hate when people in the cafe try saying the items on the menu board slower.... it will not make and difference if you said it at a normal speed, except for the fact that I might not kill you.
I was about to type Mike Grimes can suck it but I decided that I was better than that....
Magic gay magic gay I can be all you need
Yeah that didn't help my situation
I want sour apple blow pops. Why are all the good flavors always in short supply? I think the dali llama is hoarding them all. Is that spelled right? I would love to get a hold of the dali llama's stash!
I love Charles Manson Burger
I haven't gone to the house of pies in quite some time
I am a great typer person
Not really
What the hell.... the periods don't work, I will replace them with $
I miss my old friends$ The ones on the other side of town$ They are really awesome and it's been forever and a day sine we've done anything$
I want a robot monkey alarm clock$
Sorry if this is long but you're the one who decided to read it in the first place$
I want a boa$ They are half off right now$
I think I need new sheets I want nice ones too$ Like the shit that is so expensive you die a little when you buy them$
I wish I could shit out money$ Then I could get those sheets right about now$ No$$$ I didn't just take a shit$
This is your brain on sleep deprivation$$$ and this is your family$$$ and your friends$$$ and your hampster$$$
any questions?
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Living in Squalor
Apr. 23rd, 2008 | 10:58 pm
mood: 
angry
So it's official. My soul is dead. I live with a fucking pig man!!! Now understand everywhere I've ever lived I have never seen a roach. Never. Ok maybe like once but still. I come home a little earlier tonight and what is the FIRST nasty ass thing I see when I get through the door??? A BIGASSMUTHAFUCKIN ROACH!!! I froze with fear and tried to get Linda's attention. Once Linda spotted the beast from hell she commenced with killing it. We thought it was dead but then it started walking away. Ha... not on my watch bastard!! I must have smashed that roach into a bazillion pieces, which later came back to bite me in the ass cause I had to pick up all the little pieces and throw them outside at which point in time I stuck my arm through a spiderweb. So awesome. Yeah well, I was kinda thinkin that hey maybe this was all just some kind of misunderstanding. Perhaps the little son of a bitch just went to the wrong house. No... no he made the right choice. I walked into the kitchen and sure enough the place was filthy! There was a pile of dishes with shit on them that I think once was food. Pizza all over the counters and other nasty ass shit that I just dont want to think about it. This roach... he was one of those that you get when you're nasty as fuck. Yeah. I can't do this. I told her to clean up the dishes but then she said... and get this... "I keep doing the dishes but then more keep appearing." Then I said that I NEVER eat at home. EVER. I might use a spoon of something but she is the only one who uses the dishes. I had to stop cleaning up after her cause she just fucked it up right after. I live with a filthy ass grandma. I hate it. One more month. One more month.
I'm gonna kill myself....
I'm gonna kill myself....
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Frogs and Jack-a-lopes
Apr. 2nd, 2008 | 05:37 pm
location: Danni's rom
mood: cheerful
music: Steve Erwin
Sooooooo... I got to bathe a dog today. A Bitchin Freeze to be exact. It was amazing!! I haven't really gotten to bathe since I had one myself. That's been at least 10 years. My former doggies, Jake and Frisky were the perfect little doggie team I miss them!! Jake was a HUGE black lab and frisky was a .. well I don't know. One of those little yippie dogs that everybody wants to kick. Any who, they were great. Though frisky always seemed to fart at least 17363892932635482726482736268281782 times when he got a bath.
I really want some food. Something good like hash browns. Ice cream too
Snakes are so freakin cute man.
If Linda doesn't stop rubbin on me I'm gonna rape her.... asian ass. I want to wrestle in some jello. Blue jello. Not for the reason you think,....well..... maybe it is.... I just really like jello. I need someone to wrestle with.
Whipped cream should be involved. Wait, why am I so tired when I've done nothing at all today? What ever. I like jello.
What's in your litter box???!!!
boobies
I want to sex DANIELLE!!!!!
Sex Machine. Ooh. Ooh..... Ummm... thanks Danni for that contribution to my journal.
SEXXX
I really want some food. Something good like hash browns. Ice cream too
Snakes are so freakin cute man.
If Linda doesn't stop rubbin on me I'm gonna rape her.... asian ass. I want to wrestle in some jello. Blue jello. Not for the reason you think,....well..... maybe it is.... I just really like jello. I need someone to wrestle with.
Whipped cream should be involved. Wait, why am I so tired when I've done nothing at all today? What ever. I like jello.
What's in your litter box???!!!
boobies
I want to sex DANIELLE!!!!!
Sex Machine. Ooh. Ooh..... Ummm... thanks Danni for that contribution to my journal.
SEXXX
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Clean until the break of dawn
Apr. 1st, 2008 | 01:56 pm
location: Danni's rom
mood: impressed
music: A*Teens
Hello hello I am currently at Danni's house doing my very first live journal entry EVER!!! Amazing. I probably won't keep up with this very well but whatever. I am very impressed at the end result of our little task last night. It looks incredible! OH SO TIRED!! Well, sort of, more so in the mood to just relax. Work shouldn't be too bad I'm supposed to train Veena and so far that is been super fun I thought it would be a lot worse cause SBC has the tendency to suck the fun and soul out of everything. Any who, I better get ready for work.
We need a resolution....
AND..... When you get the chance.... you are the dancing queen.
This cricket is gonna die soon. Pray.
Danielle is a comic genius if anybody wanted to know.
Makes life wonderful
We need a resolution....
AND..... When you get the chance.... you are the dancing queen.
This cricket is gonna die soon. Pray.
Danielle is a comic genius if anybody wanted to know.
Makes life wonderful